The humility of honesty

Being truthful for myself

I’ve spent a lot of my life chained to the idea of “integrity.” To me, it feels like this need to look like a good person, to be true to my word, to be reliable, and to do the things I say. It’s a persona, a fantasy of a person curated for other people. On the outside, it seems like a good thing, but on the inside, it’s made me a self-destructive monster.

Honesty, on the other hand, is about being true to myself. It feels simpler and less about others. It’s about being honest because it feels like the right thing to do. Because I want to be. Because I want to be aligned with myself and my values. Honesty is humble and real.

Where integrity cares for others’ opinions of me, honesty cares only for my own. Where integrity engages in self-erasure to continue upholding a public image, honesty confesses its wrongs without concern for if others like me.

As I take off the weathered cloak and mask that have held me to others’ needs, I put on the cotton outfit that lets me just, be. It’s lighter and softer, less concerned with its visible wear and tear and more with its gentleness on my skin.

I have probably been more honest with myself and others in the last week than I have in a long, long time. And even in the moments where I felt a younger, less truthful, more fearful version of me driving my life for a moment, being honest with myself has been the quickest path to forgiveness for myself.

Red, White, & Royal Blue

The book tore my heart wide open when I first read it last year with its tender and romantic story. It did the same when I re-read it this summer. RWRB reminded me that love is supposed to feel easy, fun, magnetic, and joyful.

The movie, though a different and perhaps slightly more modern adaptation, was also lovely. Moving, soft, and beautiful in its own right. 10/10 would recommend.